i cannot pretend that i remember how to dream and no one told me that when i became a man the monsters would still be under the bed and the strangers would still seem so strange and the darkness would still incite fear inside me
and in knowing this and retrieving this give my heart away give my heart away to every single kiss like lemonade it brings me to my knees looking down on this place
the closest thing to a christ in this world is the fact that i\'ve lived long enough to regret all the time that i\'ve spent simply wishing away all the things i will live to regret
there is no light at the end of this tunnel there is no grasping a waning salvation there is no never as no love lasts forever in spite of what you may have heard in spite of what you may have been taught:
weened off of mother\'s breast forced into our still-soft mouths are constant lies are constant lies dismember my idealism before my eyes recognize the truth behind the blind leading the blind
trying to feel out my way through this mayhem this crippled reflection of what was once my life bleeding-hand image of what i\'m becoming can this disaster oh, can this disaster be felt?
i cannot pretend
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