performed by adam sandler and conan o\' brien :
"and now a buffoon\'s meeting with the dean of admissions at a prestigious college."
dean: "well michael, i would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming graduation and i understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall."
buffoon: "i got a snake, man!"
dean: "yes, pets are welcome here on campus. be it the traditional dog, or cat, or even the occasional reptile."
buffoon: "one time i fed it some beer man! it was slithering this way and that! it was all fucked up!"
dean: "i\'m sure it was. well we discourage inappropriate drinking among both students and pets here on campus."
buffoon: "fuckin\' shit!"
dean: "yes, that\'s a not uncommon reaction to this policy. so tell me a little bit more about your background."
buffoon: "my father\'s a fucking asshole, man!"
dean: "hmm, i see. your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age son."
buffoon: "my mother\'s a piece of shit too!"
dean: "well, i hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to learn."
buffoon: "my teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! she had her head way up her ass!"
dean: "well the quality of the faculty at a university such as ours far exceeds that of a local public high school."
buffoon: "your secretary\'s a real fat bitch, man!"
dean: "yes, she\'s tried many diets over the years with minimal success."
buffoon: "i had diarhea last month. i had to shit all fucking day!"
dean: "uh huh, well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a pleasurable experience. so have you given any thought to your choice of major?"
buffoon: "i\'ve got a big fucking boner right now."
dean: "i see. well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of nervous tension. i do not take offense."
buffoon: "one time i ate my neighbors shit!"
dean: "that\'s understandable. well, i enjoyed meeting you. we\'ll be sending you our decision by the end of the month."
buffoon: "i bet you got really hairy balls."
dean: "yes, it\'s a veritable forest down there. bye bye." |
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